(My moment of reflection.)
Forgiveness is a tricky thing. If you forgive and forget you run the risk of being hurt again. If you forgive and remember you run the risk of not truly forgiving. That’s a fine line to walk because both can cause destruction. This is especially true if the people needing forgiveness are still living. Even trickier if that person is you.
Actually, the only type of forgiveness which seems to be easy is when that forgiveness is granted to a dead person. The dead can’t hurt you, the dead can’t enter a room as a reminder, and the dead can’t spread lies. The only thing the dead can do is be a memory. At which point a memory can either eat you alive or fall into the recesses of the mind. I choose the latter and really with a little time it’s an easy process. The only thing tricky about forgiving the dead is learning how to forgive yourself for being hurt in the first place. However, forgiveness really is the salve that heals deep wounds. The dead are dead and you are living. It is okay to emollient your own soul by forgiving the dead of even unforgivable acts. Remember, the dead who do not confess eventually have to come to terms with what they did in this life upon their passing. Your only job is to not let them take your power with them as they pass. That is why it is important to forgive.
However, forgiving the living is little tougher. This is because the living is a constant reminder of a wound. Worse yet, even if you forgive they can become a dull blade digging out the old scars and creating new wounds. The living can be dangerous, especially the living who justify their actions by misconstruing the law or religion or social mores. This is more dangerous because they don’t realize what they are doing is wrong or sometimes hypocritical. Instead, they hurt you to your face and more often behind your back. The result is similar to a parasitic pus pocket of built up resentment and hurt. It becomes hard to look at yourself without wondering why or how you can change the behaviors and ideas of others. It sometimes becomes hard to breath. However, this is when forgiveness is most important. To forgive doesn’t mean that you are giving them permission to continue their behavior. It doesn’t even mean that you are condoning their actions or words. Instead, forgiving the living is really about forgiving yourself for allowing them to have any power in the first place.
Forgiving isn’t the same as remembering or forgetting. Forgiveness is about loving yourself enough to say that these people no longer matter. It is about allowing yourself to be happy in the knowledge that they are left pitiful, powerless, and untrustworthy. In the end, even if others do not known what transpired or even if they believe the living who tell lies it really doesn’t matter because you know the truth. As long as you can find a way to forgive and then not open yourself to trust them or allow them into your life they become like zombies. Living reminders who can continue with their behaviors if they so choose, but dead enough to you so that it no longer matters. In the end you will help heal your broken heart and allow the scars to fade to a soft hue instead of the flaming mad purple reminder they once represented.
Really forgiveness is about healing yourself while giving the living and the dead a chance to know that they need to move on also. This is my understanding of forgiveness. I choose to give myself power. I choose to learn how to forgive.